Well it's been some time since I officially pen down my thoughts.
Ever since switching to tumblr, I hardly write down any heartfelt feelings into it instead, just pictures to describe how I feel. Today, coming back to blogger, makes me feel somewhat nostalgic and happy about it. So for just today, I feel, let's have a change and go back to where i previously was, to talk about the past, 2009.
2009 has been a rather tough year for me. At the start of the year, I was still mugging real hard for my common test, and yes it feels good to be at my friends house, mugging the night away because I feel united with my classmates then. Of course all those mugging paid off after I get back a satisfactory result. Aside from school matters, there was sport camp too, which by then, I made many new friends.
Next was the start of a new chapter in my life. I got what I wanted. a bike.
Though it was just a simple bike, small , cheap and good, to me it's like a huge package of happiness in my life. Biking became part of my life, and it starts to grow in me. Now as time pass by, I grow more and more excited about my bike and wanted to do so much more in the field of biking, be it dirt biking or just leisure riding, anything that come along, I'll be fine with it and willing to try it out when the appropriate time comes.
The next major thing in my life is attachment. Though just for a few months, within those period I've learned and mature a lot through it. The one main important thing that I'd learned was that, life is harsh.
And through those harsh time I've been away from my school friends, I'm thankful to those that stick through the harsh time with me. Without friends like matthias, fuxing, bing chia, meng, juan, mengster kumar, vasu , sadik, hpyo and the rest of the soccer buddies, I don't think I would manage to get past the year 2009 without turning insane.
I've decided long and hard enough to come to this conclusion. The only way to solve this problem and to work it out is to actually face it, and talk about it instead of just running away from it. Nothing can be solved if we don't talk about it. Well I certainly hope we come to a conclusion after that and pretend nothing actually happened and hope that everything will be back to normal.
HOPE.
we'll make the great escape.
I'm sorry.
I couldn't have felt anymore pathetic than today.
I'm feeling guilty and sorry now that things have played out this way.
I hope time would work out everything and I'll try to fix things back to the way it was.
Like how we are just friends and feelings remain that way too.
hihi! I think I should just give the I dont give a ___ attitude.
I miss you and I really do.
It's okay if you're sad.
It's okay if you're down.
It's okay if you wanna be left alone for now.
just know that you're not alone.
that I'll be there for you.
No matter how long it will take.
I'll wait for you.
even if you may not love me back.
Love found it way back to my heart, but has it find its way to yours?
firstly, I would like to address that I've removed the previous entry as whatever I type was in a moment of rage and it was rash of me to actually typed all those hurtful words. So my sincere apologies to all those I've offended. I'm sorry ):
Festival of Light was just over and I spent the day rather well in fact. Despite waking up in tiredness I managed to do all the things I aim to accomplish. My bike was healthy once again, changed some stuff required to change , I bought new clothes, street soccer shoes which lasted me more than an hour (compared to adidas shoes at 35, Nike was better ) , bought jeans and I'm a happy man. Well at least I'm contented with what I bought. From this itself , it kinda open my eyes once again that in life, our views and how we look at things affects our thinking and feelings. If I look on the negative side, it would be about the big hole it cost to my pocket but if I'm looking at the positive side (which i did ) I would be happy I bought the things I wanted/needed.
Saturday, Deepavali was spent by shopping, play soccer , watching soccer match and meeting up with fellow classmates.It feels so good to be with them again. Though only few,but the stories I've heard from experiences in attachment and the normal talks make me feel the warmth of having an awesome classmates once again. After that we went to Yishun Dam. Many good bikes there, and of course racers wannabes but the environment was good for just a casual catch up session. I felt peace there, after so long. Though i can't really reflect and think about stuffs I wanna think and just chill looking at the stars and water, the company was great nevertheless.
Recently too, I've found something i've been missing out for so long. Someone I really care and wanna be with. I don't know if it's just a crush or just a random liking . I don't know, but I wanna try if I could work something out cause I know she worth it. Afterall it's been a real long time i've been single and it felt lonely at times. I would wait, no matter how long it takes. Even if I'd be disappointed at the end of the wait. It's alright. Cause in love, we take risk.
(it's 6am in the morning and I'd slept in 24 hours so I don't know if i'm in the right mind to type all this , dont think i'm thinking straight anyway )
Today soccer day.
But it's a sucky one, i got hit my the ball multiple times, one causing a serious pain to my wrist which is hurting now. We played with little spirit too. But was happy that after so long i finally get to see Zephyr in school. even though it's a short while since i'm in a rush to town.
Went to town cause it's been about 3 months or so since i last been there? I never been to Ion orchard too. Today supposed to be there eating earlier but since I couldnt find bike parking lot and by the time, friends are moving elsewhere for movie, I had no chance to even step inside ION. I feel sad though. Then i even lost my ezlink card as i forget to remove it from my IU unit from my bike, it got stolen.
sigh. I'm pretty messed up, ain't I.
ID camp is long over.
Attachment is starting next week.
Which means, I officially wouldn't being seeing her randomly in school for the next 6 month.
In fact, It could be forever if there's no reason for us to meet.
honestly, I'm sad about it.
well it's been some time since i last update my blog, guess it's about time to update.
Recently things have been good for me (:
apart from me breaking fast numerous days, other things are really picking up. My ride has been smooth so far, no problem. ID camp was fun too.
looking back, I kinda regret throwing my temper on ID camp night 1, should have taken things lightly. Well things happened too fast and my bike was just 2 weeks old then,so of course I would feel mad if someone move my bike just like that. but after leaving my camp, and waking up the next morning I did feel guilty about what happened the night before. I thought it was pretty much irresponsible of me to just leave like that so I decided to come back. After all, everything was meant to be a joke. Just that it was a bad one for me. so my apologies to them all that was offended .
Other than that unhappy incident, everything went on smoothly. Soon , I'll be having my 6 month attachment at science park. One part of me is happy because I finally get to try something new and get paid, but another part of me is sad, to leave my school, and miss seeing everyone I knew. Sigh, oh well. just hope things will turn out good.
(:
