mom and dad dont love me anymore.
all they do is control my life and scold me.
even my siblings couldn't care about me.
there's no place I could call home.
I hate family problems. especially ones which involves both parents and cause us, siblings to be sandwiched in between, making us to make an option to who's right and who's wrong. I don't understand why, there can't be mutual understanding between the two of them, despite so long in years of relationship , shouldn't their ties just get stronger each moment, but why does it seems like the longer it gets, the easier it is to snap, just like a fragile thread ? If my family happens to break up because of this, who's to blame and most importantly what will happen to all of us siblings ? My younger sis isn't strong enough to face up to this problem yet, in fact she cried when my parents always quarrel . Sometimes I wish I could just scream my lungs out in the faces of my parents and give them each a slap to wake them up from this living hell we're facing. When they quarrel, it isn't always about them, it's often kids the ones who suffers in the end.
Why do we have to complicate matters when all we have to do is lose our hot temper, our arrogances and be open minded about who's right and who's wrong and who's to be blame. I believe in a relationship like this , there must be strong trust in between them and give and take is a must. And when a quarrel broke out, it's not just one party fault, however both are at wrong because they fail to be understanding and give and take. If only we humans wouldnt bear grudges and is willing to forgive with all our heart...
No one is perfect, but it's how we react to certain changes which play a part in the future. If we are willing to accept and face the reality, learn from our mistakes and let go of grudges , forgives one another and be humble , and most importantly value and treasure human ties/relationship well , then we are good enough.
It's been really a long time since I update this dead blog of mine. Oh well, it's holiday and nothing feels as boring as this man. I prefer school la, cause that way, i get to see my classmates ( which I havent seen for damn long ), have fun in school and I wouldn't spend my time meaningless at home. All I do at home is laze around and get scolded for not doing some things I'm suppose to do, then either watch movie, facebook or go to sleep. UHHH. how boring is that. MAYBE, I should start DOTA-ing again, but I just dont like losing and dying after a whole long game of 1 hour -.-" This holiday, so far has been a good one for me and hopefully it stays that way. For a start, I passed my TP and got my license ( yea, i know i mentioned this earlier but I'm happy for myself lol ) and GL camp was so far so good. It was fun. Even though I'm just a helper, being there carrying out the event itself, sometimes me myself wish I could experience the fun first hand once again as a group leader, but oh well, that's life. we have to move on. (:
Well, some of the few highlight of the camp was the lim chu kang cementry walk, horror walk at block 50 and station games such as the ones at the pool. LCK cementry walk was okay for me, although it's quite boring just waiting for people to come by and check whether their number is correct. It was just me and yuanqing there waiting for people to come by our checkpoint, guess how boring could that be. But still the funny faces and reaction we get to see from their faces is just classic. Some even bullshit about ghost and stuff. -.-" Of course that would be spirits all around in the graveyard la but they say until like those spirit are going to possess them or eat them up like that. hahaha, their face were as pale as ghost also got la. (: Next day highlight was the horror walk at blk 50. yeah to be truthful that nightwalk was pretty scary, hahaha but I just love it, all I had to do was hide at the corner and when they pass by, just by standing there they get freaked out and go like " WAH CB! oh i'm not suppose to say vulgar words sorry " LOL. damn bloody funny man. there was once the whole group walk pass me and when i tap the shoulder of the last guy, he didnt even dare to turn HAHAHAH. okay la who in the right mind would there to turn their head back and look. xD alot la, but I felt really guilty when Cheryl cried the hell out of her eyes and wanted to get out of that place so badly but I just didnt know what to do. uhhh damn la. but overall the whole thing was pretty dope man.
The whole camp was all about lack of sleep and having lots of fun man hahaha, hopefully when the sport camp come, the group leaders would play their part well and make it a fun and enjoyable one for the freshies.
Gess NCC annual camp is coming soon and it's on the 14th. I'm definitely going back for sure, to tell the cadets bout the life of the past years cadet. I just dont like hearing the facts that most of the ncc guys have turned into a bunch of sissy whimps. No push up, no punishment blabla. Come on, I dont think this is the right way parents nowadays should treat their son, pamper them till they become such a bitch. And when they grow up do all sort of rubbish like piercing, tattooing joinin gangs and all, they cry their lungs out. WHERE IS THE STERN DISCIPLINE that should be taught to them earlier. sigh, kids these days, only want the easier way out. Hope they die in NS when NS come for them man.I dont get it, it's not as if they were treated like dog, it's jus that it's a matter of discipline, you do something wrong, u get punish for it, NO? they must definitely be talk some sense into their head. If not the unit will just fall further into the black hole.
Oh well, I hope this holiday I would do something meaningful, a part time job or some money making opportunity would be good (: money makes the world go round man. no money, no honey!
despite the dramatic racing event with some lousy taxi driver which cause me 8 demerit points, i still passed! I'VE GOT MY LICENSE. now i'm off to camp with a big smile on my face HEHEHEH.
i'll you miss.
(the one who always calls me idiot! (: )
well, yesterday is over.
yeah, an event that happen yearly has past by me just like that. I did spend the day with some people close to me though. My soccer buddies -.-" but the whole day felt as though it was totally meaningless for me to do anything. In fact it was really sucky. Well I woke up early in the morning,earlier than my alarm was suppose to ring.I don't know why but recently everything been's going haywire you see.I cant sleep in peace, or at least I don't feel at ease when i woke up each morning. but anyway, I played some browser-based game on facebook ( mafia wars ) while waiting for time to fly past before heading down to henderson for soccer, okay, we started late. there were no other teams there at all. Usually there would be for us to play against. Damn it, I think all of them got a date on valentines day except us.
So we played for like 1 hour before it start to rain. Honestly it's damn crap. It was sunny yet drizzling heavily. Totally nonsense day man. Luckily my meal at tiong bahru plaza's QIJI was not bad if not I would be cursing away already by then. I don't know why but nowadays, I get annoyed real easy. zzz I think i'm like a time bomb. I'm just waiting for the fuse in my head to blow off before I go on a abusive rampage -.-" Zack was at TB too but I didn't know it until I called him to ask if he's going out in the afternoon. and so we went home after our lunch. It was a real short day for a normal saturday's soccer day but hell, I'm dead beat when I reached home.
I got so damn lazy to even go out to town to experience the "valentines" atmosphere. Haha, I bet town is filled with people holding hands, cuddling each other and all. Thank god I didnt go. I think if i had went there,I would be wondering when would it be my turn to hold someone who's dear to me. Shit.even my close buddies went on a double date yesterday.bloody loner me is at home getting lazy to walk around even in my own house. LOL. ahhh heck. someday.......
Monday i'm having my first paper and I totally dont even have the mood to study AT ALL. all I do is sit at my computer, see if there's something interesting happening on facebook and then chat online with whoever's online -.-" bad news is many were either out or those online were those I rarely talk to la so I think I spent more time listening to old classic malay songs la hor. =/ Listening to those songs, It just remind me of the good old days when I'm still living at Queenstown, I use to sing along with my sis when she was karaoking all the malay songs on the TV. Then me and my siblings would take turns to duet with each other. Hahaha, it was so much fun then laa.. but look at life now, everyone's leading their own life, we barely had time for such entertainment with each other. The bonding in our family isn't how it was like before. Now, practically everyone just do their own stuff and dont bother each other.Mum comes home, do some household chores and never fail to nag at me, each time asking me to either pray or clean up some stuff. And really although she mean well, but hearing that everyday surely wont make anyone feel good at all. My sister? I rarely see her at home, she's either out at work, or out with friends. Oh and on her clock, I don't think there's AM/PM. cause she can be even out at night feeling so fresh and energetic whereas I'm down here dying of sleepiness. Younger sis too, always cope up herself in the room, doing don't know god knows what, and her world is all about relationship with guys. Dad also do his own routine of course, come home from work, eat dinner, watch tv and then sleep. sad thing is now, due to some conflict he had in work and he doesn't want to complicate matters, he decided to quit. sigh. of all time, now...recession period.oh well, so where that does that leave me ? all alone, doing my own stuff also. school work, gymming and occassionally hang out late out with friends. It's like almost empty in my life. I don't feel the strong bonding in my family at all now
Yes of course occassionally we do go out, but it's only during special occassion. Even that, I feel awkward to express myself. In fact, i'm more natural and normal among my friends. I feel much more loosen up. However with them, it's a different story. Sigh, I don't know. Is it just me feeling this way or the others in the family too. I really hope some day, all of us, could put away with the worries we have in mind and spend more quality time as a family.
Dear Allah, please do make everything better for us.
You are the only one I can seek and turn to for help.
Please give us some guidance in life.
Amin.
well so that's a sneak-peek of how life is for me. Anyway after my nap in the afternoon, chat online with some people before watching the movie. Young and Dangerous 4. Well it's a chinese hongkong show, it's been out for sometime already, old movie but still a good watch. It's about the triad society and how people lead their life as rascals. Honestly I liked it a lot cause it's about their brotherhood and how they are willing to die for each other. Sometimes it's even saddening to a point that I could cry. Imagine someone whom had stood by you for years, go through real life threats together with you and he had to die in front of you.Or just the scenes of your girlfriend, someone you love so dearly, getting raped or killed. It's really sad to see all that...it also shows that gangster is not only all about fightings, riotings and uncivilised behaviour, but gangsters are also humans and that they also have a heart and a soft side to them. but anyway it's a movie which teaches me the values of loyalty and all, so I think it's pretty good ah. hahaha but some part are vulgar also la if you wanna learn, follow the good teachings from it and ignore the bad ones..hahaha However sad to say nowadays, those punks you see on the street are just a shame to the society. Seriously I think they should watch this show and perhaps after that, they would behave much more professionally like the leaders of gang in this movie.
SOOOOOOOO. what's in store for sunday. INDUSTRIAL AUTOMATION's revision. If I dont study tomorrow, I'M SO SCREWED. okay hahahah x)
Well Michelle was sweet to keep my accompany for long till the early hours of the morning. hahaha so yea I think I should mention her in my post today also for her kind deed. hahahah Thanks for keeping me accompany! x) AND AND AND SERIOUSLY THAT ROSE IS NICEE MAN. I think I really gonna learn how to make roses with clothes hohoho.
honestly, they should just rename this day to some " heartbreaker day for singles" oh guess what. life is so fucked up.I receive the best damn news you can ever receive on a valentine day, oh and a combo to another news regarding some stuff related to my family. 2 hit Combo. power la sioool. Maybe I should just suicide.
but on the side note, i've got gl camp which i dont wanna miss, a bike i'm waiting to own, a license i'm hoping to get, and sport camp to go through. If all these isn't on my schedule,you probably would see me on the news, cause if i die, i make sure it's damn dramatic that it reflects on the headlines.
Because i can't sleep til you're next to me
No i can't live without you no more
Oh i stay up til you're next to me
Til this house feels like it did before
Feels like insomnia ah ah, Feels like insomnia ah ah
Feels like insomnia ah ah, Feels like insomnia ah ah...
guess what time isit? it's 3.16am. I couldn't sleep anymore when the clock reaches 2.30 plus am today morning, so I woke up and decided to do something effective, something like listening to songs such as the ones by kanye west ( heartless / love lockdown [ both rocks totally!! ] ), craig david insomnia.. and eating grapes HAHAHAH. how effective is that. uh huh, was just looking at the dates, examination is close by. 2 weeks time I'll be having my paper. In fact, next week I would already have one, that is so close to valentines day. speaking of which, I don't think so I'm going spend that day with someone special at all la hor ): although I really do wish to ask someone out on that day but I just don't know what I should do on that day. It just feels weird. damn. and with exams coming nearer, all that overwhelms me is fear. I have a few modules all done poorly and even me myself have to fear whether I'm gonna pass them or not. If I don't buck up and pass the final examination, I might even fail. That's how critical things are now. sigh.
LOL but anyway being in the bonding camp, first time as a helper was fun! I will elaborate more when I have time!
I almost died. I tell you why. My project got my head thinking for like 30 minutes before I actually started on it. And once I start, before I realise it, it was already 2 hours plus since I've started working on it. Oh my god, it's fatal, and I'm not even close to finishing it. Seems like tmr I have to go school to find book to find out some formulas I need to get my program running. Ahhhh damn it man, shit. feels like shit when you're rushing for deadline. But then again, if there's no deadline, nobody would be motivated to work hard for it...ZZZ. okay. i'm off to sleep.my blog needs a new song again. hohoho
The world needs a hero.
Just take a glance at the media nowadays. What do you see? Nothing but bad news and headlines. Gloomy year ahead..Vietnam boat crash...Gaza under fire by Israel... it's all nothing but news which shows unhappiness or bad things happening surrounding us. In these bad times, who do we turn to , where do we seek hope in ? Can Obama save the world with the change he's bringing in? Will things be better after 2009 ?
All we can do is just wait and see.
Anyway exams are coming soon, like 3 weeks after this CNY week. 2 weeks after this CNY week would be the deadline for my projects. Sigh so many shit, but all I'm looking ahead to is my traffic police test date, March 2nd. and also I'm looking forward to part time jobs I can work so I can earn money for my bike hahaha. woots, Mr.Happy, relax only. smiling despite all difficulties. From now on, I shall have a positive attitude for everything i do!
Pretty baby, Can you be mine?
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